Stories of a Lost Girl
by Karevsanatomy
Summary: Maxie centric one shots
1. My Immortal

-1**Author's Note: I have often wondered how many of Maxie's actions stem from the loss of Jesse. It was after his death that she morphed into this lost soul. This one shot deals with the anniversary of Jesse's death and her thoughts on the person she has become. As I am not certain on the time frame, I am figuring Jesse's death as having taken place two years ago. **

_These wounds won't seem to heal_

_This pain is just to real_

_There's just too much that time cannot erase_

Soft rays of sunlight filter through puffy white clouds. Bushes of crimson American Beauties hugged up close to the black wrought iron fence. Whimsical musings are voiced by twittering birds who flitter from limb to limb of the large oak tree that shaded one corner of the Memorial Gardens. Memorial Gardens, just a nicer name for a cemetery. No amount of chirping birds, sunny skies, or blood red roses would change the gloom that settled into the soul of the sad faced girl who lingered under the arched gateway that led into the so called garden.

_Garden of death_, she thought. Trembling hands raise up to rub her bare forearms. The thin black shrug she wore over a maroon camisole did little ward of the chill that prickled her spine as she crossed the thresh hold of the cemetery. Her steps falter two feet in as her body starts to shake. _You can do this Maxie. One foot in front of the other. You can do this. _ Gulping down the knot of fear that had formed in her throat she lets out a gush of air she hadn't even realized she was holding in. _You can do this. You can do this for Jesse._ Raising her chin up a notch, arms still wrapped around her middle, she slowly starts the trek across the emerald grass to the lone grave in the eastern corner.

Polished black marble seemed to sparkle in the sunlight, his name seemingly lit in silver. Jesse Boudreaux. Crouching slightly, not caring that the body skimming skirt she wore had crept up her thighs, she lovingly traces the name. She ignores the two dates beneath it, doesn't need the reminder that his life had been short, too short.

"I miss you," she says softly, hating the emotion that chokes up her voice. Large china doll blue eyes blur with unshed tears as her finger continues to trace over his name, over and over again. "I miss you so much."

One, two, three tear drops slide down her cheek, linger on her delicate jaw line, then drip onto the bold upper case J. She doesn't bother to wipe the wetness from her cheek. It would have been pointless, as more tears threatened to spill at any moment. "I hate you sometimes. For leaving me. I hate the person I've become without you." Squeezing her eyes shuts, her knees hit the prickly grass. She braces her body by placing her palms on either side of the cold headstone. "Why did you leave me?" She sobs. "You weren't suppose to leave me alone. We had plans. We had so many plans. We were suppose to go on trip, remember? We were going to make a list of every place we wanted to see and we were going to go. You shouldn't have made promises, Jesse. You shouldn't have made them and then died! How could you? How could die? How could leave me here alone? I'm so lonely and I've done so many stupid things trying to forget. God, I want to forget. I want to forget the way you tasted when kissed. I want to forget how safe I felt in your arms. I want to forget…"

Even as she said she words she knew she couldn't forget. Not a day went by that he wasn't in her thoughts. Every time she closed her eyes she seen his face. Every where she went she was haunted by some memory of the two of them together. Every time another man touched her, kissed her, made love to her she would close her eyes and picture him.

_Except Coop, _she thought miserably. The one man who made the pain less was the one man she had driven away. "I'm so stupid Jesse," she says softly, blood shot eyes opening. "You would like Coop. He's a nice guy. Maybe to nice. He deserves someone better than who I've become. You wouldn't even recognize me. I've done so many stupid things. And the sad part is, I don't even know why. It's like I just don't care anymore. It's like the part of me that was good died with you." Lips trembling, she draws her hands away from the marble. Every thing good had died with Jesse. The person she was now was just a beautiful shell of the girl she had once been. "Do you know what I miss the most? I miss your smile. I miss it so much. I could be having a shitty day and your smile would make it all okay. I'm always scared that one day I'm going to wake up and not remember. I know, I said I wanted to forget you, but that's a lie. I don't. I can't forget you. You're a part of me. I feel so empty without you, Jesse. So, so empty." Tilting her head to the side, she wipes at the tears on her face, no longer able to stand the feeling of sticky make up. Her hand comes away covered in black mascara and ivory colored foundation. She lets out a small laugh. "God, I such a mess." She laughs a bit louder. "Maxie Jones, mess extraordinaire."

She sits there for a while longer, lost in the memories and the what might have been's. When the sun starts to dip into the horizon she wearily stands, brushing the bits of grass from her black skirt. She whispers a soft good bye to the man she had loved before walking away, back to the mess she called her life.

Author's Note: I read the most horrific spoiler. That cutch Lulu kisses Coop. Argh. Do they have to give every freaking guy to her? Personally, I don't find her that likable, nor do I think she has any right acting as though she is better than Maxie.


	2. Change

-1**This was inspired by Maxie's recent change in hair color. One has to wonder, did they darken her hair because she is supposedly the sinister blonde one? Please. Enough of that spouting Spinelli. Lulu is no angel. **

**I also apologize for how short this story is. I still think it gets the point across though. **

Melancholic eyes the color of a summer sky stare straight ahead, transfixed by the stranger before them. The stranger looked so calm, so cool, so put together. Sexy chin length layers the color of melted caramel framed a face that could be either sweet or saucy, depending on the mood of the girl it graced. At the moment she looked neither. The melancholy haunted more than just her eyes.

"It's just hair," Maxie said, her tone rather matter of fact. "And change is good. Change is wonderful. I love change." Her voice sounded a bit too peppy, as though she was forcing herself to believe the words coming across of her candy apple red lips. In way, she was. She was forcing herself to embrace change, because change was good, change was wonderful; even when it felt like neither of those things. She needed the change. God, how she needed the change.

Moving away from the mirror, Maxie crosses her arms, staring at the selection of clothing she had dumped on her bed. All impulse buys at some point in time. Chewing her lips, mindful that she would have to check her teeth for lipstick, she narrows her eyes and snatches up the first shirt she comes across. A plain white fitted tunic style t-shirt with the word Hello in large letters written across the front and wrapping around the back. It had looked uber cute on the store mannequin with a pair of skinny dark jeans, pointy toed flats, and several layers of silver chains. She had bought, with the intention of copying the same look. Once she had the shirt home she changed her mind. The shirt had hung in the back of the closet ever since. Along with the rest of the clothing on her bed. None of it was really her usual style, just random garments that had caught her fancy.

She let's out a sigh, tugging the red cap sleeved top she had worn to the salon over her head. She tosses it carelessly in the corner with the rest of her dirty clothes. The white top with the muted gold writing slides over her head. She smoothes it down her body, her hands lingering on the hem. It didn't feel right. It didn't feel like her. Shaking her head, she let's out another sigh, this one louder than the other.

Her gaze is drawn back to the mirror, back to the stranger that was her. Change was good. Change was wonderful. Change…she had to change. Even if she became someone she didn't know.


End file.
